Open Challenge: Exchange Hectic for Self-Care

When I was at the doctor's office again this week, I asked the physician's assistant how he stays healthy being around sick people all the time. He answered, "I get adequate rest, focus on proper nutrition, exercise and take a multivitamin and extra vitamin C." Thank goodness he had his back to me and didn't see the giant g-g-gulp I took. Going down his list, I couldn't say "check" to one of the items. That got me thinking.

I've joked about being a Petri dish. And, I've lingered for a moment on the thought that my immune system is simply challenged right now. Today, I gave longer pause to that thought. Is my mostly self-induced hectic pace of life wearing me out?

I have the givens: work, parenting, housekeeping. That keeps all of us busy. But, even when I have "down time" I seem driven to at least feel productive, i.e. busy. How many hours do I stay curled up in this chair chasing thoughts down virtual rabbit holes, planning and re-planning my work, and frantically checking my email, Facebook and Twitter accounts? I dare say, rather embarrassed, it is at least a few hours a day. Just imagine what I could do if I invested just a quarter of that time in meditation or yoga or doing whatever it is one does on an elliptical machine? And what if I made different choices about what I eat? Or maybe took just a single 500mg tablet of Vitamin C every day? I'm not talking perfection here. Just a little better. I'm curious.

This time of year can get even more hectic than normal. Added to the list of givens are news about economic anxiety, holiday get-togethers, next year business planning, shopping, loads of tasty (but crap) food, and so on. Wouldn't it be nice to exchange a little of the hectic for some self-care?

I'm issuing a challenge to myself and anyone else who wants to join me. For tomorrow and the month of December, do more of the good-for-you-stuff and when we get to New Year's Eve, let's look back over the month and compare notes. There's no need to wait until January 1 for resolutions. Let's just start now. Today.

I'll start this way, following my health professional's lead:

• 7.5-8 hours of sleep every day
• Ask myself before I eat something, "is this healing?"
• Eat more fresh fruit
• Exercise in some way most days in the week
• Get back on the supplements
• And my own additions...
  
• Daily meditation
  
• Quality time with good books
  

I refuse to make this stressful. Therefore, I reserve the right to change this plan. The bottom line is to go away from stress-inducing things and toward stress-reducing things. Got it?

Want to join me? Add your plan via comment or send to me via email. And we'll figure out how to support one another.

Giving Thanks

All our Thanksgiving plans changed. Two of six family members aren't feeling so swift. One of them is me. The cook. So, we've punted. So, in lieu of sitting at the table saying what I'm thankful for - and really only skimming the top anyway - here's a sampling in writing.

I'm grateful for my daughter's angelic voice. I just heard her singing to herself some sweet little song she's made up. It isn't just her singing voice either. A few years back I was wheeling her around (in a rare moment of her actually sitting in a cart) a Kohl's store. She was babbling on about everything she saw. Another shopper leaned out of an aisle and said, "she has the cutest voice I've ever heard. If you could bottle it, I'd buy it."

I'm thankful for my son's quiet wit. It's lightening fast and if you aren't listening for his near-whisper, you'll miss the sheer comedy of living with him.

I'm filled with gratitude for the empathy and thoughtfulness both of my children show. I've been somewhat ill for the past 11 days. In that time, they have not complained about being bored or having to cancel plans. They have, in fact, risen to the occasion with extra cleaning, cooking, bringing me drinks, carrying my things around the house and sitting very patiently in the doctor's office with me.

And, I'm thankful for my husband who has tolerated and even encouraged my wandering mind since 1985 (18 of those years in marriage).

It Really is The Little Things

I suppose it goes without saying that there are things that we're drawn to simply because they remind us of childhood. Having lost my mother over ten years ago, I can tell you that her absence amplifies the sensation. For whatever reason, over the last few months, I've been experiencing a renewed ache for my mother. And with that longing has come the pull to an assortment of things.

Yesterday, at Target, it was chocolate covered cherries. They stopped me dead in my tracks: the red box with the larger-than-life chocolate and cherry candy picture. That image transported me through the tunnel of time that resides in my head to a moment 30 years ago. It was December and I was with my mother in K-Mart at 53rd and Columbus in Anderson. There we stood before a display of seasonal items. We weren't a family that had a lot. Every penny was counted. But there were moments of indulgence. Mom would look at the cherries then at me, look back at the cherries, smile and pull a box off the shelf and place it in the cart. After finishing the shopping trip, we'd giggle our way to the car where we'd excitedly rip the cellophane from the box, lift the top, pull back the quilted paper cover and smell the rush of chocolaty, sugary sweetness wafting out from the pretty gold tray. We'd each savor one perfectly formed chocolate dome, then replace the quilt and the lid and stow the box back in the bag where it would be safe from our greedy sugar teeth.

I bought a box. And as I peeled back the cellophane and took my first taste of the candy, I realized it was not nearly as sweet as the memories of those little moments with my mom.

And, this is where I need to accept the lesson as a mother myself and know that my children will be drawn to these little sweet moments, not the big vacations, the expensive toys or the grand gestures. It's the the little things that matter.

Celebrating - Indy Urgent Care

Yesterday I was feeling so awful that I drove myself to a retail strip immediate care center on Indianapolis' northwest side. I've been to this particular center three times over the last few years. I just have to stand up and give these people a huge round of applause.

First of all, from a business perspective, they are completely buttoned up. But more than that, without exception, every individual there is a good bedside manner poster child. I interacted with six people and every single one of them showed genuine care for me and my two children whom I towed along. I can't express strongly enough how it felt like their work was far more than a job to them.

Dr. Kardatzke, whom I'd seen before, (the medical director) was very funny and incredibly thorough and efficient (not rushed). He listened to every word I said, took into account my own thoughts, efficiently made a diagnosis that wasn't just a pigeon-hole for insurance purposes, and asked me if there is anything else going on. I mentioned one other thing that was hardly at the top of my list and he was extremely helpful on that count, too. And, oh, he included my kids in the whole conversation, keeping them engaged with appropriate humor.

Without hesitation, I recommend Indy Urgent Care at 3479 West 86th Street, near 86th and Michigan in Indianapolis. It's in the same general area as Wal-mart and Lowes Theater.

Be well!

The Unorganized Leading The Unorganized

Some of you may know my 10 year old son is one of those kids who is brilliant, creative and beautiful in spirit, but isn't quite cut out for the rigors of academic life. If you are the type who likes to know the details, I can tell you he's been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Inattentive ADD (he isn't hyperactive). Essentially, he is super-focused...on what he wants to be focused on...which doesn't coincide with what teachers or parents would like him focused on. He's like many children this age, amplified by a factor of 10.

Anyway, part of the issue is that this super-focus takes up enough space in his brain that he can't hold other information such as what he needs to take to school or homework assignments. One of the most frustrating manifestations is his inability to grasp a full sentence. When you speak with him, if you speak too quickly or put too much information into a thought, he'll lose himself in one piece of it. For instance, if you say, "when you get home from school today I need for you to feed the dog and put your clothes away," he'll catch just one of those parts, like "feed the dog." He won't know when and he will not have even heard the issue about clothes. And he'll stand looking at you blankly because he knows there were more words. Sigh.

So, we've been working on life management - organizing details, using time, etc. I am a master procrastinator with an eye for the big picture. I am also challenged by details and time. (I can also be super-focused.) Here's a passage about my psychological type from Out of Time by Larry Demarest that describes me to a tee: "INFPs generally are not inclined to structure and order their worlds very tightly. Ideally life would unfold and not have to be planned out with objectives, due dates, and lists." As you might imagine, helping my son plan and keep organized is exhausting for me. What's it like for him?

What I wonder: How do people manage in similar situations? Is it a matter of letting go of conventional all together? What facet of the prism do I look through to see the true beauty in this situation?

The Human Condition - Why?

When I named this blog, I didn't really have a strong concept of what I'd be writing about. I just knew that through my eyes the world is a series of experiences that reveals the human condition. I thought I'd write about those experiences. And, for the most part I have. Still, I often question if my title "The Human Condition" isn't just a bit lofty, maybe more academic than the actual content.

So this morning I was reading about my psychological type (because I share it with someone I am counseling) in Looking at Type®: THE FUNDAMENTALS and ran across this passage:

"INFPs may be strongly attracted to, and enjoy experiencing, the human condition in all its joys and sadnesses..."

There it is. Wow. I got this book after I named this blog. I love the synchronicity of it. So, it stands as is, my title. I'll continue to let the experiences unfold.

What I wonder: What do you want to hear from me? While my blog is for me as an experiment in written expression, I still want to know that maybe I'm having some sort of impact and that I'm connecting with people. So, how can I make this blog worthwhile for you? Please comment or email me.

School Trek II: The Wrath of Mom

While my husband typically takes responsibility for the morning routine and getting the kids to school, this morning the task fell to me. I'll admit, I got the kids up about 5 minutes later than usual. So, a smidgen of this morning's shenanigans are mine to own. My kids get to own the others. Some of the irritants: my daughter taking 35 minutes to put on a pair of jeans; my son taking a morning (vs. evening) shower that would have drained the hot water heater had I not kicked him out. It's typical stuff, I'm sure. Still, I had little patience for it this morning. I have enough trouble managing myself! Directing every step and giving clock reminders was a little like being forced to watch 4 straight hours of political campaign commercials.

And I made them pay for my inconvenience.

That 12 minute ride to school probably felt like an entire day. I gave them a complete critique of their performances and even threw in a nasty "if you can't find your Brownie vest, I'm not buying you a new one because it's not my problem."

Oh my God! I felt like such a turd for being Mean Mom. I dropped them off with a deep sense of regret for hammering them for their every move. I swear the only bright spot for them was the moment I woke them. When I still felt nice. Before I had to remind them to get out of bed. Again.

So, I drove to work with my Mom Guilt. At one light I realized the car next to me was the scene of a similar experience. A forlorn looking teen sat next to his mom in their Volvo as she apparently spewed her disappointment and directives. I could see the look on his face: "When will this light change? Come on already." I'm betting he never realized he could be so happy to arrive at school.

I was on the one hand comforted that I'm not the only parent that goes through the Car Bitching routine. On the other hand, I got to see what it looks like from the outside. Any comfort I found was erased and I returned to full-on Mom Guilt.

We have a lot of power as parents. We can induce guilt. We can suppress a spirit. We can also support, encourage, empower, guide and uplift.

Riding the elevator up to my office this morning, I took some deep cleansing breaths and vowed to make this evening a better experience for my kids.

It Is Time to Come Together

Let me add my voice to the millions in this country and around the world: Congratulations Barack Obama. Congratulations United States of America.

This has been a long and difficult journey in so many ways, both for the candidates themselves and for each of us as individuals. That journey is far too vast for me to recount in a blog post. What I can do is talk about some things I have seen and heard that have touched me.

I'll start with John McCain. I watched his concession speech last night. I saw a man with much integrity and positive spirit. I've said from the beginning that even though he wasn't my candidate, I feel good about him as a individual person. Don't write to me about the negativity in the campaign or nitpick little things about him or his running mate - or his opponents. I've heard it all and, honestly, it does no good to tear people down. So, let's hold John McCain up as the class act that he is. Please. What I walked away with from his speech is this: it is time to come together. We're all Americans and citizens of the world. Let's work together toward positive outcomes for all.

On Monday, I was listening to All Things Considered, NPR's program broadcast locally on WFYI 90.1 FM. I heard a discussion among NPR reporters who have traveled with the campaigns. They told campaign stories and had some good chuckles about the realities of the intensive schedules. The one thing that made it deep into my heart was a story about one of the debates. After the politicians and audience members had left, the volunteers from both parties sat together sharing pizza and beers, laughing all the while, before setting about the task of taking down the curtains and folding up chairs. The reporter was struck by the team work among the opposing party volunteers. They worked together, efficiently, to get the job done. He remarked that it was an illustration of the truth. Now that the election is over, it will be the job of each of us in this country to come together, support our government and get the work done.

While Barack Obama was my candidate, I'm not so starry-eyed to think I won't have to hold his administration accountable, fight (in the most civil way) for what I think is important for this country and push my representatives to do what is right. And that's the point. We each have a role to play, no matter how small. I have to participate. And so do you. And every other person in our country. Not only do our politicians have to come together, so do we. I have faith in the citizens of our country. I have great hope for the United States of America.