Walking With Spirit

A few days ago, a friend asked me what I do for exercise. My answer: nothing. Oh, I used to do some things. Weight training, biking, yoga, walking. I loved walking. I really liked the long events, usually charity events, the walk-a-thon type that were about 10 miles long. The most memorable of them was in California.

Even though I had a friend along from Indiana for the trip, I walked alone in the event. This was part of the Big Sur Marathon that was run on Highway 1 along the coast of California from Big Sur north into Carmel. The walkers were bussed in to our starting gate at Rocky Point. I clearly remember this scene. There were hundreds of people all standing around eating bagels, sipping water and chattering excitedly. A hush came over the crowd as the first runner started to come around the bend. Out there in the morning mist, the sounds of voices stilled and the surf's pounding faded away to reveal a single sound - that of those first runners' feet barely making contact with pavement. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. These were magnificent humans. Focused. Strong and lean. Rhythmic. The sight brought tears to my eyes as I was moved by their sheer spirit. Even in relating the story to my friend, 14 years later, I was once again moved to tears.

Soon more and more runners appeared around the cliff's edge. Men and women of all colors and ages. I even saw people in specialized wheel chairs - and people who had shed their shoes so they could keep running. No shoes. Miles and miles on pavement. I felt both chagrined that I was merely walking 10 miles and honored that I was allowed to participate in an event with these dedicated souls.

Finally we walkers were cut loose on the course. As I walked along and enjoyed the breathtaking scenery, I occasionally shared space with runners who were painfully pushing themselves to finish. Individually, a few runners stopped to walk with me, asking me where I was from and what brought me to the marathon. We'd share a few cups of water from the roadside volunteers and then my momentary friends would say goodbye and run off to finish their race with themselves.

What I learned is that, for the most part, these marathoners aren't racing each other. They are racing themselves. I'm sure they all have different reasons. I imagine some of them don't even really know those reasons. I'm quite sure it was the same for us walkers. Regardless of the why, it was a transcendent experience that I will never forget. It was a moment when I was fully aware of my connection with a higher part of the collective human spirit.

Thank You. Now Get To Work.

I really just want to thank everyone who voted for Barack Obama in November. You gave me the opportunity to witness an important bit of American history. You set it up so I could sit in a little cafe huddled around a television with men and women, white and black who listened attentively to a speech that wasn't about lofty platitudes, but more about the hard work that we all have to do to repair the fabric of our country while supporting the repair of our nation's reputation in the world. You made it possible for me to watch and shed a few tears of joy as I watched Barack Obama being sworn in as the 44th president of the United States.

And while I'm thanking people, I want to thank George W. Bush for doing what he thought was right for his country. I can't be called a Bush supporter by any stretch of the imagination. What he thought was right for the country and what I think are two different things entirely. And still I understand the enormity of the job of the President of the United States. I hope that today is a day filled with rest, relief and joy for number 43.

Now I have to go back to work. It hit me this morning that the research I need to do for a communications campaign is important. What I find and recommend could make a difference for this client, helping them to maintain business at the very least. The connection? What I do in my job can affect the jobs of not only my direct contacts, but also their employees down to the plant floor. Think about it: how does your action connect with the people in our economy?

OCD and ADD/ADHD Are Not Character Flaws

You've surely heard or read people saying something like, "I'm so ADD" or "I'm totally OCD." I'll tell you what I am - I'm annoyed when people casually throw around these terms. Sure, I know what they mean. In a self-deprecating way they are saying, "I can be really picky," "I worry about little things a lot," or "I'm easily distracted" (ADD, clinically known as ADHD). They use the terms to indicate a character flaw. Like it's cute. And that's a problem. It is sloppy language that feeds myths.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling brave, I try to straighten out the language. I start with asking if whatever habit they have keeps them from having normal life. The answer has always been "no." So then I tell them that the D in OCD and ADD/ADHD stands for disorder which is a disturbance in normal functioning. And, if the label used was OCD (for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), I tell them my personal story. My 10-year old son has OCD, having been diagnosed when he was 6-years old after we realized he'd scrubbed a great deal of skin from his hands because he was convinced his germs would kill his little sister. It was summer and he wouldn't play outside or ride his bike because that would bring more germs into the house. And he cried about it.

Here's the thing, I believe this casual labeling perpetuates misconceptions. I'm not an expert in a clinical sense, but I consider myself more educated than the average person when it comes to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). So, let me cover a few of the misconceptions.

People who have OCD:

• Aren't necessarily just fussy about stuff.
• Aren't curmudgeons.
• Don't just start acting weird when they are stressed.
• Don't just simply worry about details.
• Don't just worry about germs or wash their hands or count and check things. The obsessions can be quite elusive and the compulsions can involve everyday behaviors that you might not associate with an obsession in isolation.
  
• Don't always have obsessions and compulsions that are obviously connected to one another from the outsiders perspective.
  
• Do have a medical disorder that causes their brains to get stuck on a thought which in turn can prompt them to use behaviors for relief.
• Are aware of their disorder.
  
• Can be charming, successful individuals.
• Don't have a character flaw...well, at least OCD isn't a character flaw.
  

I know less about ADD/ADHD even though I also have personal experience with it. In fact, I'm not sure the proper acronym to use. I can tell you this much - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder does not always involve hyperactivity and it isn't about not being able to pay attention at all. In fact, many ADDers (as they are sometimes known) actually experience a state of hyper-attention, meaning they can focus intently on a particular subject matter to the exclusion or even detriment of other subjects and activities.

In case you're wondering, my son doesn't scrub his hands anymore. He moved on to questions and rituals that look pretty normal to someone who doesn't live with them from day to day. We have the help of a great school, a caring counselor and a skilled neurologist. And, my son is warm, charming, bright and funny - he often finds the humor in his own behavior. And when we he hears someone say, "I'm so OCD," he just looks at me, raises an eyebrow and smiles at me.

Please take the time to learn more. Visit the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation, CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) or Additude Magazine.

What is the Nature of Trust?

My biggest a-ha lately is this: I don't trust anyone. It was a painful thing to learn. I've imagined myself the most accepting, open person. Yet, when I analyzed how I got to being chronically overwhelmed, I realized that it's because I think I have to do "it" all. Somehow, I believe even I can't be trusted, so I procrastinate, do and redo, and second-guess results I produce. Vicious little cycle, huh? I suppose that is partially the product of my open, possibility orientation (the N in my INFP). Still, since the MBTI® can't explain disorder (it only points to preferences), my state of chaos and being overwhelmed isn't necessarily a direct connection to my personality preferences. I clearly have some faulty beliefs from which to detach.

So, I got to thinking about the nature of trust. I did some reading and realized this is one big philosophical question that will require more than a few hours of browsing. For now, where I landed for the purpose of where I am in my life is this: trust is a belief that a person will do what he or she has expressed or has implied through engagement in a relationship, that being a promise of support. It's a certain acceptance of the way things are and of agreements - or "going on faith."

Self-trust is accepting yourself as you are and the decisions you've made. Accepting yourself requires a certain amount of self-awareness. Getting to know your strengths and living into them seems to be part of the pathway to self-trust. You don't need someone else to tell you what your strengths are. Your heart knows them. Still, I believe that sometimes we take them for granted or are so sucked in to the "you must be broken, Dear American" way of our culture that using tools other people have created can be helpful. Afterall, their creators generally have created them to help. I like the MBTI® (mentioned above) and Strengthsfinder. Just remember, they are only tools. At the end of the day you decide how to show up in the world.

Moving back to the concept of trust, what gets in the way of this trust, at least for me, are two factors: fear and perfectionism (which is probably an outgrowth of fear). Oddly enough, mistrust becomes a sort of protection against fear of failure or loneliness or being unaccepted or perhaps even death. I'll bet there are entire books on this subject.

Interestingly, I've thought for some time now that the key human emotion underlying the business concept of brand (I'm a Certified Brand Strategist) is trust. ABC Company says "our product or service will do _______ for you." That's the brand promise. If they deliver and the buyer or user is happy, the bond is strengthened. That's a topic for another day - or another blog post. (blog.discoverelementthree.com) So, I've thought a lot about trust in a business context, just not so much in an interpersonal one. Until now.

Clearly I have a lot to work out on this subject. In the meantime, I encourage you to share your thoughts on trust with me. Point me in the direction of good material. Give me examples of trust (or mistrust) that you've observed.

How Much Do You Chew?

In the "you learn something new every day department..."

I was in a meeting with a couple of client contacts - two really pretty cool women. Okay, let me stop for just a minute and say I'm one of the luckiest people on the planet. I work with more great people than I could have ever imagined. The news might be full of ugliness, but real life is filled with human beauty. People who make me smile, laugh, feel joy in some way. Back to the story...

We were meeting away, discussing all manner of business-y topics when one of the women, we'll call her Amy, turned to her credenza, pulled out a drawer and removed a pack of gum – for at least the second time in our meeting. She stopped and said, "you're both going to think I'm weird, but I have a gum problem." We laughed. She said, "no really. I have an issue. I chew a lot of gum." (All forgiveness to "Amy" that I'm taking editorial liberties with her exact quotes.) We laughed even more.

The other woman meeting with us – "Debbie" – asked, "so how much do you chew?" Amy answered, "well on a stressful day, I'll chew two packs." On a normal day, she chews just one pack. Twenty pieces. Ha! A pack-a-day gum habit. I've never heard of such a thing. So, I wrote it down.

Debbie noted, "Nila can blog about this." Right-o!

So, I wondered aloud, "when you see a gum commercial, does it trigger the need?" Amy replied, "no, I don't chew at home. I only chew at work." OH! She's a work-chewer.

The habit is very specific. She chews at work, she replaces an "old" piece with a new piece at least every hour, she has to pull the pack of gum out of the drawer (just letting it sit on the desk isn't enough), there are two flavors of a specific brand of gum that do it for her, and, by observation, when she gets stressed – good or bad – the pace of chewing and gum-changing increases.

Amy is a one-pack-a-day work-chewer. (Kind of like the half-a-pack-a day social-smoker, if such a thing exists.) That's hysterical. No way around it.

Apparently Amy isn't alone. Dr. David L. Katz over at Oprah.com answers the question "Am I Addicted to Sugar-Free Gum?"

Now I have to observe my own behavior. What's my odd habit? Maybe I don't want to know.